Thursday, August 11, 2011

Considering it's something more than the spring crush...

That's kept me from posting on my blog on a regular basis. I've been grappling with a feeling I haven't been quite able to put my finger on this spring and summer. But I think these past two weeks I've identified what I haven't been wanting to admit. I'm suffering from burnout. There, I said it. This post isn't going to be about gardens and's going to be more cathartic of where I am in my place on this planet.

This spring and summer I have been running around like a complete lunatic and there were beyond numerous weeks where I wasn't home at night. Between meetings, the spring work load, nursery and landscape association stuff,  agility classes several times a week, me teaching dog training classes, and then working or dog showing weekends...I have no candle left because I burned it up months ago. I've made promises to clients I can't keep without killing myself this year in order to cinch projects. I haven't done newsletters for clients for two quarters now, and there's this general apathy that looms over me. That was the feeling I couldn't describe...the overall "Meh" feeling about my business, work, and my own gardens. Most of what I was doing felt like it was "one more freakin' thing I have to worry about." Then there was the anxiety I was feeling over what was supposed to be a fun hobby with Lars...we weren't progressing fast enough at the agility shows and we started to backslide in fact. It become something that wasn't fun anymore and there was one glaring moment in a class where I had an epiphany that ultimately lead me to putting my finger on what this post is about.

What it boils down to is "I do too much." and I am exhausted by it. 

Agility Land complete with newly sprouted grass!
It was about 5 years ago where I felt like I felt overwhelmed by life. Sure, I have felt times where my life is spinning out of control...but those were usually short lived for a couple of weeks. But this is the first time I've felt burned out. I stepped away from all of the agility classes I had been taking. I didn't realize how important it was for me to not have to go someplace every night. Eric and I have been working on in area in the waste land that is the foam finger that is a couple of weeks shy of officially becoming my own "agility land." I can train and practice at home now when I feel like it without an hour drive each way. I actually made this week in the office meeting free for the most part and it's made a big difference for my psyche. I've taken the time to work in my own yard a little bit at night and it feels really nice to have leisurely evenings.

I need to be way more honest with myself about what I feasibly can and what I can't do. I need to look at why am I doing things in my life both work and personally and who am I really doing this for. There's an inventory that needs to be taken and I have a feeling I need to really cut things that aren't working for me or my self care. I think being centered and content needs to win out over "look what I have accomplished." I need to simplify my life and start enjoying all of the aspects of it again.

The big guys, Chunk and Rorschach, snooping for munchies.


BlackLab said...

Amen my friend!

Bliss said...

So glad you saw this and took care of yourself.

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